I’ve always been a giver.
I’ve measured my worth by what I could do for other people.
By being there.
By helping.
By making sure everyone around me was okay.
By going above and beyond.
By being useful.
Somewhere along the way, I learned that if I was giving enough, doing enough, helping enough, perhaps I was earning my place.
Perhaps I was earning my keep.
But there is something I’ve realised recently that has been much harder to learn than I expected:
How to receive.
Receiving a compliment.
Receiving help.
Receiving a gift.
Receiving someone’s patience.
Receiving love.
Receiving an opportunity.
Even receiving something as simple as kindness without immediately feeling like I need to give something back.
It sounds easy.
It isn’t.
When you have spent years measuring your worth by how much you give to other people, receiving can feel strangely uncomfortable.
Because if your value comes from what you provide, what happens when someone wants to give something to you?
Do you feel worthy of it?
Can you accept it without immediately minimising it?
Can you accept love without wondering what you have done to deserve it?
I’ve realised that I haven’t always been very good at that.
People have probably been giving to me for years.
Love.
Kindness.
Compliments.
Patience.
Opportunities.
Gifts.
Their time.
Their understanding.
Their support.
The difference is that I wasn’t always able to receive it.
I would brush off compliments.
“It’s nothing.”
“Anyone could have done it.”
“I don’t look that good.”
“It wasn’t a big deal.”
I would find a way to make myself smaller.
To dismiss what someone was offering.
To reject the kindness before it had a chance to land.
And I didn’t really understand that I was doing it.
Until I started paying attention.
My gratitude journal has been a surprisingly important part of this.
Every day, I started writing down the things I was grateful for.
And the more I wrote, the more I began to notice something.
People give me so much.
It was there all along.
I just wasn’t noticing it.
Or perhaps I wasn’t allowing myself to fully receive it.
Now, when someone gives me a compliment, I can sometimes feel that old reaction arrive immediately.
The instinct to laugh it off.
To disagree.
To put myself down.
To say, “Oh, it’s nothing.”
But now I catch it.
I notice it happening.
And instead, I try to simply say:
“Thank you.”
That’s it.
No explanation.
No argument.
No putting myself down.
Just thank you.
Sometimes I have to go home and think about it afterwards.
I replay the moment.
I notice how it made me feel.
And I’ve started recognising something that surprised me.
It feels good.
Being appreciated feels good.
Being cared for feels good.
Being complimented feels good.
Being given something feels good.
Being loved feels good.
And there is nothing wrong with allowing myself to feel that.
I’m beginning to understand that receiving doesn’t make me selfish.
It doesn’t make me weak.
It doesn’t mean I owe someone something in return.
And it certainly doesn’t make me less valuable.
Receiving is simply allowing someone else to experience the joy of giving.
Because I’ve always understood how good it feels to give something to someone.
To make someone happy.
To help them.
To surprise them.
To be there when they need you.
Why did I assume that I should only ever experience one side of that exchange?
Maybe I was never supposed to earn love.
Maybe I was supposed to experience it.
Maybe I don’t have to constantly prove that I am worthy of kindness before I can accept it.
I think some of us become so good at giving that we forget that relationships aren’t meant to be one-way.
Life isn’t meant to be one-way either.
We give.
We receive.
We offer.
We accept.
We love.
We allow ourselves to be loved.
And perhaps the real lesson for me is learning that I don’t have to constantly earn my place in the world by being useful to it.
I can simply exist in it.
I can receive what it offers.
I can let a compliment land.
I can accept help.
I can say yes to an opportunity.
I can let someone care for me.
I can enjoy a gift without feeling guilty.
I can allow love to reach me.
The old instinct is still there.
That original code hasn’t completely disappeared.
But I’m learning to overwrite it.
Little by little.
Every time I stop myself from rejecting a compliment.
Every time I allow someone to help me.
Every time I write down something someone has given me and actually let myself feel grateful for it.
Every time I say thank you instead of telling someone why they’re wrong about me.
I’m teaching myself something new.
I am allowed to receive.
The world has been offering me love all along…. I just needed to stop pushing it away.
And maybe learning to receive isn’t about becoming someone who takes.
Maybe it’s about finally becoming someone who understands that she is worthy of being given to.
