There’s a quiet but powerful shift that happens during healing.
It’s not loud or dramatic. It doesn’t come with a celebration or applause. It often arrives in moments of discomfort—when you find yourself irritated by things you used to tolerate, frustrated by people you used to bend for, or simply exhausted by dynamics that no longer feel worth your time.
Lately, I’ve noticed I’ve become harder on the world. Less tolerant of half-hearted effort, inconsiderate behavior, or unchecked negativity. I used to explain it away, excuse it, or try to fix it. Now, I find myself recoiling from it. Setting boundaries more quickly. Saying “no” more clearly. Feeling the friction when something—or someone—isn’t aligned.
At first, I worried I was becoming cold. Unforgiving. Bitter, even.
And that was hard—because kindness has always been one of my core values. It’s something I’ve held close my whole life. Even in pain, I’ve always tried to lead with a soft heart. But in growing this new hardness, I started to wonder: Am I losing that part of myself?
I have become harder on the world to be softer on myself.
But I’m learning that these things don’t have to be opposites.
- That I can be kind and boundaried.
- That I can be compassionate and discerning.
- That I can love deeply without losing myself.
This is the lesson I’m still learning—how to honor my truth without hardening my heart. How to walk away from what harms me without carrying resentment. How to choose myself while still offering others my humanity.
Because it’s not cruelty. It’s clarity.
It’s the soft realization that I deserve kindness—not just from others, but from myself. That softness starts at home, within my own body, my own choices, my own boundaries. And in order to protect that softness, I’ve had to grow a little tougher on what I allow in.
That might mean:
- Calling things out instead of staying silent.
- Walking away instead of over-explaining.
- Letting people be disappointed rather than abandoning myself to keep the peace.
It’s not always easy. But it’s honest.
And maybe that’s the real gift of healing—not becoming someone shinier or better, but becoming someone more true. Someone who knows what they need and honors it without apology.
So if you’re finding yourself more impatient with what you once allowed, more frustrated by people who drain you, or more sensitive to the lack of care around you—maybe it’s not a sign that something’s wrong.
Maybe it’s a sign that something inside you has healed.
And maybe, just maybe, this hardness you’re growing toward the world…is really just the shell that protects the kindness you’re finally learning to give to yourself.
