For a long time, I believed happiness was something to be found—hidden in achievements, relationships, or future moments I hoped would bring fulfillment. I chased after it like a distant star, always just out of reach. But over the past months, through deep reflection and honest confrontation with my inner world, I’ve come to understand that happiness isn’t something to find. It’s something to be.
The Early Years: Searching Outside Myself
Growing up, I often looked outward for validation and joy. I tried to fit in, to meet expectations, and to control how others saw me. But this left me feeling disconnected—from others and from myself. My writing shows this clearly: a voice longing to be heard, tears that still fall when I reread old memories, and a heart carrying unspoken pain.
Turning Inward: Facing My Truth
The turning point came when I began to truly acknowledge my feelings—the loneliness, the shame, the confusion—and to ask why they were there. I stopped pretending things were okay and started writing honestly, without fear of judgment. This wasn’t easy. It meant sitting with discomfort and allowing myself to be vulnerable.
Through this process, I learned that happiness isn’t about perfection or avoiding pain. It’s about accepting all parts of myself, including the broken and messy bits.
Embracing Stillness and Acceptance
One of the biggest shifts in my journey has been learning to embrace stillness. Instead of rushing to fix or change everything, I started to simply be with my emotions, thoughts, and the present moment. This acceptance brought a surprising peace—a quiet happiness that doesn’t depend on circumstances.
Aligning with My Authentic Self
Now, happiness means living in alignment with my true self, beyond masks and expectations. It’s about embodying the lessons I’ve learned, trusting my inner voice, and allowing myself to grow without pressure.
I Still Struggle
That said, I’m far from perfect. Even though I doubt myself less, there are still times when I think I could be doing better. Some weeks, I cocoon myself from the world, getting caught up in things I know aren’t helping—watching endless dramas on TV, skipping exercise, and eating unhealthily. These moments aren’t failures; they’re part of my process.
I still carry guilt for not always doing my best. I often think of all the things I should be doing to be a better person. But I’m learning to remind myself that healing isn’t linear. Sometimes crawling into a hole, retreating, or slowing down is exactly what I need to become stronger and more whole.
Moving Forward: A Lifelong Journey
My evolution in finding happiness is ongoing. There are days when doubt creeps in, when old fears resurface. But I’ve found that by returning to stillness, reflecting with kindness, and embracing my authentic self, I can meet each moment with a quiet joy.
Happiness, for me, is no longer a distant star. It’s the light that shines within me when I choose to pause, breathe, and simply be.
